a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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