take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
