She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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