I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
