Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
