My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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