No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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