is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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