to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
