Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
