Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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