herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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