Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ugly people sure do ruin things
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
