Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
