if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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