What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
