there's paper in my vomit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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