In the future we'll all be gay
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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