I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am one with the molecules
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
