just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
