Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
