apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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