btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
