Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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