The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
