I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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