I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
