Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
