Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
