ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
