i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
