Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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