Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
