the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
