There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
