How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ok first of all what the fuck
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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