taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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