Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
