1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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