he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
