Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
