return my video game
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
