you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
