Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
