Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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