Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
