3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
