Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
