wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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