Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
