He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
