So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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