I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
