The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
