I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
